Friday, May 30, 2014


It's really so elementary! So easy, even a child can do it. That's the way it began for me. I fell in love with Love and believed what I read about Him. There was a faith inside of me that believed He could do "anything".  How easy it is, over time, to let faith slip away. Not in every situation is it lost, but it seems that it ebbs and flows as life seems to slowly drift out into the open sea. Before we know it, we are picking and choosing when "we think" He will be God and when He won't. Our anchor no longer holds and we find ourselves in over our heads.

I'm reminded just how much I need Him to be God of my everything, not just some thing's. He doesn't pick and choose when He will listen to my cry for help. He doesn't bat at only the pitches I make to Him over home plate. He sees all and He knows all and He cares! David knew this and that is why Love called him a man after His own heart. David says in Psalm 26 "Test me Lord and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for I have always been mindful of Your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on Your faithfulness.

When my faith was new I was undone by His unfailing love...completely undone! It felt like an unbelievable dream. But it was REAL, more real than anything I had ever experienced! In a moments time I was changed from the inside out. Nothing was left untouched. The colors of life were brighter. It seemed that even gravity carried me differently. What once seemed like only a breeze now heightened my sense of His nearness.

Being an adult is hard. Life throws you quite a few curve balls and before you know it you find yourself focusing on the balls more than His unfailing love. After you get smacked a couple of times you begin to rely on your own ability to dodge, more than relying on His faithfulness to keep you safe. Sure we pray...but it's more like sending up flares for help. We begin to associate the pain as a sign of His absence,  rather than a test to see if we will keep our mind steadied on His unfailing love.
Instead of relying on His faithfulness, which seems slow in coming, we begin to rely on our own strength, which at the present seems to at least be working.

And therein is the trap. We lose faith in His unfailing love. We lose faith in him! When we lose faith, we lose everything. We receive nothing in His kingdom without it; without believing in Him and His love that never fails . It is the key that unlocks every door. There has only been One through the corridors of time that has proven Faithful and True. He pushed through heaven and earth to find you and rescue you from the grasp of the enemy. He is crazy in love with you and He waits for you to return to your first Love. He is right where you left Him., right where I left Him! He is quietly waiting for our return to the One who will never waver. He is the One who is always waiting on us to remember who He is, who He really is...and not the person that life's harshness has tried to convince us He is. His love never fails! Heaven and earth shall pass away but His words shall never pass away. And His word has never changed and still today He is saying, "As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you, now remain in My love." (John 15:9)

Thursday, May 29, 2014


My story is but only a tiny speck on the screen of eternity. One so small only Love's eyes can even see. I fail miserably when I believe any other way. I have been given life, simply to prove You faithful! In the deepest trenches, the only sound that should be heard are my praises to You. I am given but only a measure of time to declare to the heavens Your goodness. When all is left weighing, it is only You and Your love that remains.

You breathe life upon me, again and again, and I am revived! I am reminded of the amazing privilege I have been given to honor You. I fail miserably in my own strength. All is left wanting. Your ways, they comfort me. You uphold me when otherwise I would fall. Again and again You love me for Your name sake. You anoint my head with oil and my cup overflows! To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul!

Tuesday, May 20, 2014


It was one of those hard days to be The Momma. One of those moments when heart strings are pulled so tightly you might not be able to breathe, but your The Momma, so you breathe, hard. Looks like the cloud has turned once too many times and the funnel is moving towards my baby and hers. We make a run to get to them before the storm does, but the traffic coming to a halt on the expressway makes it clear we won't be able to rescue. There is no time to plan. No time to grab up everything that is dear. Blonde hair all blowing in the wind. Heart strings choking.

The phone rings with lungs all tight and bodies racing to get to shelter. All I say in response is "okay" not wanting to cause their delay. The only shelter I am aware of is four miles away. Eyes strained on computer screens searching for where the blackness swirls. It has crossed the expressway and I realize probably headed right toward their path too. The reporters sounding out fear as the two and a quarter mile monster heads towards his neighborhood as well. Schools have been tortured and the sounds are deafening.

I only have two options, fear or faith. There is no in between! I head for the large empty restroom and choose to weild faith as a sword. I declare out loud the destiny of those I love in harms way. I tell the evil raging hard towards my loved ones that it will not have them.  I speak out loud for anyone to hear, that as a daughter of God, I command the monster to dismantle. To dismantle NOW! The way only a momma could stare down the eyes of evil while staring down her little one! Having done all I could do, I stand, shaking...but standing! The cell phone is silent while the computer screens continue to scream.

Then I hear the voice of a reporter who is full of disbelief, as the F5 moves towards the lakes edge, and in his own words says "it's beginning to dismantle ?!".  I heard it right there. Right there where funnels normally pick up momentum over waters below...but this one dismantles! Cell phones remain silent while hearts beat loud.

How far can heart strings stretch? How far do His arms reach? Further than my own, always further than my own. Finally, the text comes that they are okay. In my minds eye, I see happy memories of our little girls spinning and dancing with their hair flying in the wind. "Thank You" is all I can say, thank You! The pieces of others lives have landed all over our yard. Memories and sadly even loved ones were forever snatched away in the whirlwinds. As I thank Love for protecting my little ones, I continue to shake for those who never got to say goodbye to theirs. Gratitude seems most odd when intersected with grief's ache. Always reminded how bittersweet life can be. We are but given such a short time to breathe in earths atmosphere. The sound of time clicking on the clock hanging next to our families portraits reminds us to live in the moments, for it is only the moments that make up a life time. It is only moments we are given to live!

Friday, May 16, 2014


Love and truth reside in the heart of a believer. For Love has placed within our hearts Himself and where He is there is only truth. Wisdom is when the heart and the mind come into agreement. This is where the conflict begins. Our mind operates out of the judgements we have made from past experiences, those made before Love took up residence, and sadly, even some since He came to abide within us.

We read His words and look at our lives and wonder where the disconnect is. Something deep inside stirs as we read The Word that have resounded through the centuries, but soon our mind, with it's preconceived judgements tilts to its default and we look away and settle the matter that it's not for me, not for this generation, not for this culture. We walk away like the rich man that asked Jesus what he must do to enter the Kingdom, not even realizing, that we like him, aren't willing to give up what we possess...our judgmental opinions of what we believe truth to be. We read The Word and see what we believe, rather than reading The Word and believing what we read.

Self preservation could be the sum of all our judgments. Self preservation cannot exist in the Kingdom. We stand outside the gate like beggars even though we have been invited into the beloved. I believe this is what Jacob learned when he heard that the brother he had wronged years previously, and his 400 man army, were headed towards him and everything he owned. After strategically staging his family, servants, animals and valuables he found himself alone. He was a self made man with self made possessions and he was terrified of losing it all. Sometimes, Love has to strip us bare, to expose the strength and the lies of self preservation that we operate out of. The Word says that Jacob was left alone and there wrestled a man with him until the break of day. I believe Love was trying to get him to the end of himself, to the end of his own strength and his self preservation tactics.

In the midst of the conflict, he began to see Love up close and was overcome with the glory of the real Truth. He no longer wrestled out of fear (self preservation) but out of desire for Love to replace his personal strength and opinions with His own. He held on desperately to Love and demanded he would not let Him go until He blessed him. Jacob had asked for a blessing and Love wrestled more forcefully, knowing He could not bless him until he was rid of his own personal strength and wrong opinions. I believe paradigm by paradigm began to be replaced, as Love filled the space that once had been dominated by self preservation. In the process, Jacob suffered a tear in his thigh muscle. The thigh muscle is the strongest in a mans body. Love had to tear through that counterfeit strength, to be able to bless him, with Himself. Jacob was finally free, but he walked away with a limp. Those who had eyes to see, could see that even though his stature had weakened, his soul was empowered. Love refuses to leave us in our confused state, no matter how strong we see ourselves to be, no matter what our circumstances have left us to believe.  His Kingdom awaits for all of His beloved to come into the fullness of His Word, leaving behind all of our preconceived ideas.

Sunday, May 4, 2014


There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God…it’s in the river we are made glad. It is not stagnant, nor slow in coming, it doesn’t wait for tomorrow, but pushes on wildly past all that would stop its flow. It is not the bank that determines the boundary of the river, but the river that places the boundaries exactly where it wants it. Real life cannot be contained. It will not be restrained.

There is purpose in the boundaries of life that oppose you. Their purpose is never allowed to quench the rivers current, but rather to cause friction between that which is life and that which is not. They are allowed for the friction, for the passion, for the igniting of two very opposing forces, until the breaking of one gives way for the victory of the other. That, which was designed to constrain you, will give way to the power and force of true life.

You must let go of the bank and fall into Love’s river. You must go where you have never gone before. Where years ago the enemy stopped it’s flow,  it’s now time to break the damn and allow the current to sweep you away. You will burst forth in song. You will be like Sara in days of old, and ask of the Lord , “Now will the Lord take away my bareness and make me joyful in my old age?” You will go forth with singing, making melody in your heart. You will find what you have always been looking for. You shall see it with your own eyes and feel it with your very own heart. You shall no longer be called barren-but fruitful. Your baskets will overflow and your vineyard will bring forth new wine!