SELF PRESERVATION


Love and truth reside in the heart of a believer. For Love has placed within our hearts Himself and where He is there is only truth. Wisdom is when the heart and the mind come into agreement. This is where the conflict begins. Our mind operates out of the judgements we have made from past experiences, those made before Love took up residence, and sadly, even some since He came to abide within us.

We read His words and look at our lives and wonder where the disconnect is. Something deep inside stirs as we read The Word that have resounded through the centuries, but soon our mind, with it's preconceived judgements tilts to its default and we look away and settle the matter that it's not for me, not for this generation, not for this culture. We walk away like the rich man that asked Jesus what he must do to enter the Kingdom, not even realizing, that we like him, aren't willing to give up what we possess...our judgmental opinions of what we believe truth to be. We read The Word and see what we believe, rather than reading The Word and believing what we read.

Self preservation could be the sum of all our judgments. Self preservation cannot exist in the Kingdom. We stand outside the gate like beggars even though we have been invited into the beloved. I believe this is what Jacob learned when he heard that the brother he had wronged years previously, and his 400 man army, were headed towards him and everything he owned. After strategically staging his family, servants, animals and valuables he found himself alone. He was a self made man with self made possessions and he was terrified of losing it all. Sometimes, Love has to strip us bare, to expose the strength and the lies of self preservation that we operate out of. The Word says that Jacob was left alone and there wrestled a man with him until the break of day. I believe Love was trying to get him to the end of himself, to the end of his own strength and his self preservation tactics.

In the midst of the conflict, he began to see Love up close and was overcome with the glory of the real Truth. He no longer wrestled out of fear (self preservation) but out of desire for Love to replace his personal strength and opinions with His own. He held on desperately to Love and demanded he would not let Him go until He blessed him. Jacob had asked for a blessing and Love wrestled more forcefully, knowing He could not bless him until he was rid of his own personal strength and wrong opinions. I believe paradigm by paradigm began to be replaced, as Love filled the space that once had been dominated by self preservation. In the process, Jacob suffered a tear in his thigh muscle. The thigh muscle is the strongest in a mans body. Love had to tear through that counterfeit strength, to be able to bless him, with Himself. Jacob was finally free, but he walked away with a limp. Those who had eyes to see, could see that even though his stature had weakened, his soul was empowered. Love refuses to leave us in our confused state, no matter how strong we see ourselves to be, no matter what our circumstances have left us to believe.  His Kingdom awaits for all of His beloved to come into the fullness of His Word, leaving behind all of our preconceived ideas.