Sunday, July 26, 2015


The shadow of rejection has followed me my whole life. I believe the first time I heard it's voice was in the bassinet. I did not recognize that it's voice came from outside of me. It always seemed to be my own. Like a tormenting shadow that I could not shake. It followed me everywhere.

It's sad how the enemy uses our weakness to torment the weaknesses of others. I believe it is his most successful strategy. If we feel we may be rejected, you can be guaranteed you will have plenty of opportunity to experience it through the words and actions of those around you.  It is most effective when it comes from someone we truly value, whose opinion means the world to us.

God could heal our wounds of rejection in a millisecond if He chose to. But He has created us to rule and to reign and He plans for us to first do so within our own hearts. He has never rejected me, but He allows the enemy to taunt me, not to crush me, but to force me to see for myself, who I really am. Love sees the taunting as a way to disclose the lies of my heart, so that they can be healed.

Love waits for me to look at the ugly tormenting giant and ask the same question that David did. "Who is this Philistine who defies the army of The Living God?" You see when Love saved me I immediately became His warrior and His bride. From that moment the war was no longer about me but rather about the Kingdom of my God. If you mess with me, you mess with Him. It has taken me years to see this clearly. It took me almost 50 years to begin to believe who I really am. His love letters to me say that I am His beloved and He is mine. He tells me that I am IN Him and He is IN me. He has poured out His love for me from Genesis to Revelation. He has made me perfect. He has made me righteous. Not I, but Him. He has placed a robe of righteousness over me, so I as well as others, could see my true identity. It is no longer I who live, but He who lives IN me.

For years I stood paralyzed under the giants taunting. I watched in unbelief as he used the voices of others as unknowing pawns to hurl his words of accusation  and of condemnation toward my heart. Every time he would yell "boo" I would run and crawl into a fetal position and rock back and forth. I would grovel in the rejection year after year wrestling with the unrelenting pain.

Then one day, when the pain seemed irreparable, I asked Love why He hadn't freed me? He shows me The Sword that He has placed in my hands. He assures me that He has provided me with all that I need for freedom. He is waiting for me to wield The Sword. He is awaiting the giants head to roll. He has more confidence in me than I do. I hear Him ask the enemy  the same question He asked him in times past. "Have you considered my servant Job? servant Janet?"

My knees begin to shake. Why would He say such a thing about me? Then He shows me that He has allowed the taunting to continue because He knows even in the midst of heartbreak I will yet praise Him. He shows me how He has withdrawn His hands from me, which He could so easily use to free me, to prove to the enemy of my soul, that I will continue to praise Him even when it appears that He has rejected me too! He stands by silently even while others treat me wrong. Love knows who I truly am. I am only learning. But He is right. I have never blamed Him for the enemies taunting. I have never questioned whether or not He loves me. Through countless tears and weariness of fighting the good fight, I have ALWAYS trusted Him. Black and blue I have praised Him, I have held on to His hand. He has always been there.

For the first time I see clearly. You have placed in MY hand The Sword of Truth. You are waiting for me to wield it. You watch closely to see if I will cut the head of rejection off and forever be free from his tormenting. You will wait as long as it takes. You know that You have made me "non-rejectable", and You are determined to wait until I know it too! Not only will I then be able to live in truth, I will have also cut the head off of the lying and tormenting giant, the very thing I was created to do. What he created for my destruction You have purposed for my good!

You could have instantly healed my wounds of rejection but I would never have learned to find the treasures of darkness. We must learn who we are not, before we truly know who we are. You have called me to be a warrior...more than a conqueror for Your namesake and Your Kingdom.  For me to bow to rejection, for even a moment longer, is to agree with the one who bullies and defies the army of  The Living God. May it never be heard again that I have succumbed to sing in harmony with the enemy of my Lord. May I only sing in harmony with You, my Lord and King! The Lover of my soul!