Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Across the Waters

Looking out my window the earth is dark, and I see only occasional car lights headed to punch in on a time clock. The depth of silence seems deafening. The only heartbeat I hear is my own and its rhythm seems out of sync. I know the sun will rise and prove that the droplets of sadness falling from the sky is actually rain and not my tears only. I should have expected rain this morning. I should have pulled the flower pots out away from the porch so they could sit under the nourishing mist. Maybe I should take my soul out there and lie below the heavy laden branches of the cypress trees and allow the mist of heaven to nourish my soul this morning…my mourning soul. It’s been a year since I last held your hand or kissed the sweetness of your face. I’m so grateful I was intentional the last years to spend time lingering in the fragrance of your hugs.  What I would give for one more embrace. There are many of us left on this big ball of dirt that would give almost anything for one more of your hugs and sweet smiles.

Looking out the window I begin to see the outline of the pond. Even though there is no sun in the sky, it apparently has risen. But the heaviness of the clouds has it hidden from sight. I’m reminded they have you hidden as well. The cypress branches seem to be breathing in the breaking of dawn, in rhythm they dance to a wind that I cannot see, yet cannot deny is there. My heart is stirred as they make their way gently bowing and rising as if grateful for one more morning to praise their Maker. 

What is it like to celebrate one year of being in heaven? Are the streets of gold in a frenzy with saints getting all of the final details of festivities ready to celebrate your heavenly birthday?  Is there a sense of joy and expectancy and jubilant celebration not known to those of us who can’t peer inside? Do you finally feel known and loved and celebrated like never before? How I wish I could be there. I could live a thousand lifetimes off of the mere joy it would bring me to see your joy, from being truly celebrated and loved for who you are and always have been. To see the fullness of your joy, would give me mine.

Then I realize just the thought of your present joy, does brings me mine! I lost it there for a few moments, waking up to the silence of missing you. One more morning of waking up to only one heartbeat after having shared yours for fifty five years. As I glance out my window I see now the light has come and all of the details of the pond are visible. As I watch the tiny waves dance and shimmer I feel like I can hear a sound coming from the other side. It sounds like singing and laughter. There is the faintest sound of music, a melody not of this world. My soul leans in. For a moment I hear your voice full of delight and gratefulness for the heavenly gift of acceptance and celebration. In my mind’s eye I see your sweet face, still a little timid, but rallying in the undeniable love you feel. You are right where you were created to be…in His presence…in His love…in His joy! How can I too, not celebrate! Happy Heavenly Birthday sweet Mama, I’m sending you kisses from across the waters. Tell Jesus how grateful I am for loving you!

Sunday, April 10, 2016


We were created for 'the more'. As early as I can remember, I have known this. I trust you have known it too. Yet, it was a stumbling in the dark kind of journey, until Love came to live on the inside of me. That was thirty-five years ago. I’ve never regretted that decision. Since that time I have made it my pursuit to live in 'the more'.

It’s funny how Love doesn’t seem to be as concerned with time as I am. I spent the first twenty-five years of my honeymoon with Him thinking that my experience was reality. I would read about the miracles of Jesus and of the early church, and felt that was for a time that had passed. I looked all around me and all I saw were the experiences of others that looked very much like my own. I had seen some of my prayers answered…but truth be told, they were simple prayers. I never was taught a three point sermon to not believe in the miraculous. Nor, do I remember every having a conversation of such. It went unspoken. Like a silence that haunted my soul. I would sit on the pew week after week looking at those next to me…wondering if they knew something I didn’t. My spirit longed for 'the more'. I would read the Word daily and wonder what it must have been like to be alive in those exciting times when Jesus and His disciples literally changed the world around them.

About ten years ago I found myself in the middle of the worst crisis I could have ever imagined. Suffice it to say that I found my heart literally torn into, over the brokenness of someone I would have given my life for. In a matter of moments our lives had fractured. The fear of the unknown is always the loudest. Fear tracked me constantly, but His grace was more. I would fight for time alone with Him and pour out all of my pain. I would seek His face and remind both Him and myself how big He was. The grief was almost beyond my ability to stand. I remember Him asking me “Do you trust Me?” Through my sobbing I answered Him, “You know I do Lord…but what do I do with the pain?” On two other occasions when I poured my heart out to Him, He asked me that very same question, to which I again answered, “You know I trust You Lord…but what do I do with the pain?” Three times He had asked me that same question. Three times I had given Him the same answer. Little did I know that Love was setting the stage to answer my prayer for 'the more' that I had been longing for.

I wouldn’t want the pain of that season to ever visit another living soul. It was the lowest of lows and it was on that canvas that Love chose to show me a glimpse, behind the veil into 'the more'. I sat on a pew of an unfamiliar church wiping tears and mascara away as we sang the last hymn before dismissing. A woman’s voice from somewhere in the back of the sanctuary, began to project over the crowd. I had never experienced this before and I listened carefully. She was speaking as if she were speaking on behalf of the Lord. I hung on her every word because I was desperate to hear His voice. You see, I had prayed…no...I had begged, that before sunset on that day He would give me confirmation about what we were to do with our situation. It was not one of my simple prayers but one of bold proportions. One like I had only rarely prayed. I had to hear from Him or feared I could not survive.

As she began speaking there was a power released that I had never felt before, like a knowing that Love was speaking directly to me, even through a perfect stranger. She said “I was there when you were young and you fell off of your bike and scratched your knee. I was there when the words of others hurt you...and now you find yourself in a much harder season, a season where once again, I am with you…and as if He stood on His tip-toes, she shouted as if from the heavens “Trust Me, Trust Me, Trust Me – with the pain!” He used a total stranger to speak a word of knowledge to my broken heart. A word no one could have known other than the Lover of my soul. Love had used a total stranger to prophetically speak into my life. A new measure of peace came over our situation and I realized for myself that day, that 'the more' was and is available.

Since that time Love has spoken encouragement to me through dozens and dozens of His children. Many times, as confirmation of what He has been speaking quietly to my heart. I have also had the privilege to speak into the lives of others, only things the Lover of their soul would have known. The first time He used me to encourage someone in this manner is still etched in my mind. I was working with a client in a medical office who had recently been having problems with high blood pressure. She had come to the office that day with it being almost at stroke level. My job was to evaluate the situation and let the doctor know if we should call an ambulance. I heard Love ask me, to ask Him, why her blood pressure was so high. So I did. I heard Him say to my heart "her brother". I didn't even know if she had a brother! I really knew nothing personally about her. But, feeling prompted by Love, I chose to step out on the word He had spoken. So I asked her if she had any idea why she was struggling with high blood pressure recently. She thought about it and then responded that she thought maybe it was because of the stress she was dealing with over two of her dogs who had recently been warring with one another, and she was not sure how to resolve the issue without having to give one of them away. Well that didn't help me any, so I just dared to trust what I felt Love had put on my heart, and with fear and boldness all wrapped up together, I asked her if she thought it might be about her brother.

Immediately she looked into my eyes and asked "which one?" I had never been so happy to hear, that someone had a brother! She began to share that she had several, and in the past year had lost two of them as well as a brother in-law. Tears began to roll as she shared how it had been a really hard year but losing her baby brother had been the hardest, and she was going to have to sell the home she had bought for him, close to her own home. Selling the home was overwhelming to her as it was the only thing she had left of him. Through her sobbing she asked me how I knew she had a brother. I told her that the Lord had impressed me to ask her and that He was letting her know that He sees the pain and sorrow that she had been walking through and His heart was grieved for hers. He wanted to tell her she was not alone and she was going to be alright. That today was about making sure she knew how deep His love was for her, and how He longed to comfort her.

I will never forget the look on her face as she realized that somehow, in some strange way, Love had entered that room and had made His intimate love for her more than apparent. Her blood pressure began to return to normal within the next hour, and for the next year that I had the opportunity to see her, it had never returned. His presence and love had healed her both physically and emotionally.
I share this story to encourage you to believe that as wonderful and unimaginable as the gift of salvation does not stop there. When we look at the life of Jesus we see Him not only rescuing the lost from the depths of a very real hell, we also see Him healing the sick and delivering those who were oppressed by the enemy. The Christian life becomes an exciting adventure when we realize we all get to partner with Him and what He is wanting to accomplish in someone's life. For the longest time in my journey, all I had ever been exposed to was the message of salvation, yet my heart knew there was 'more'.

Luke 9:10 tells us "For the Son of Man came to seek and save what was lost. The original meaning of the word 'save' is 'sozo'. Sozo in the Greek means to "save, heal and deliver", which is exactly what Jesus was busy doing while He walked upon the earth. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He continues even today to use His disciples to bring Heaven to Earth and make His name renown! His Gospel really is the good news!

Wednesday, March 23, 2016


I remember as a child wishing that I could be a Hollywood Movie Star. Who hasn't wanted to live out the role of someone beautiful and engaging? To so immerse oneself in the role and personality of another as to convince an audience that we are in fact that person, even if not in looks, in deed.

An actor or actress will spend countless hours researching even the tiniest details and nuances of the character they are going to portray. No stone is left unturned. They purposely take their old man and sit him aside as they put on the new man. Their goal will not be accomplished if they continue to focus on the old man and neglect the new. They intentionally see themselves and begin to think of themselves as the new man. The more they do this, the more convincing their role becomes.

Hollywood's Big Screen grows pale in comparison to the role God has asked us to throw ourselves into. Paul tells us to "put off the old man and to put on the new man". In Romans we are told to "put on the Lord Jesus Christ". 'Put on' in the Greek is the word 'endyo' and it means to "become so possessed of the mind of Christ as thought, feeling, and action to resemble Him, and as it were, reproduce the life He lived".

God has called us to play a major role in the most epic film of all time...History, which is really 'His-story'. He has cast us to portray His most beloved Son. The language He uses to coach us into our new role is a language of great intensity. He commands us to "become so possessed of the mind of to reproduce the life He lived". We are called to become so one with His character that it is impossible for others to see where we end and He begins. We have been called to represent Him on earth, that is to re-present Him on earth. No stone should be left unturned. In every scene of our life we are called to be Jesus to a hurting and dying world all around us.

It begins by being possessed with the mind of Christ, to think like He thinks and see as He sees. It seems impossible to the human mind, and with the human mind it is. It is a working of His Spirit that dwells on the inside of us. Because He lives on the inside of us we have complete access to Him and His ways. He came to dwell on the inside of us not as a small reservoir but as a great river. He lives on the inside of us, but He is longing to get out! Not to leave you, but to be released to others through you. It's what we were created for, to re-present Him to a world that longs for His appearing. His-story is still being's never too late to play the role He has cast you in! It is the role of a lifetime and all of heaven waits to arise and give a standing ovation.

You were taught, with your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by it's deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 2:22-24

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill it's lusts. Romans 13:14

Monday, March 21, 2016


I lost a precious loved one this last week. It doesn't seem real. It's the place on our time line when Heaven and Earth seem to collide. It happens so fast. Heaven extends it's ladder down to touch earths broken places and without a sound, our beloved takes flight. We will not enjoy her beautiful smile again, until we too, make our journey beyond the gates of Heaven, where she and all of those who have gone before us, must excitedly await our arrival.

She fought a good fight! To our human eyes and our broken hearts it may appear that she lost...but truth be told, she lost nothing, in fact, she gained everything her heart has ever longed for! In the twinkling of an eye, she stepped out of her worn and tattered earth suit and into her heavenly robe of glory.  For the first time she will see Love, face to face. She will "know" even as she has been known.

The One who gave her her very first heartbeat and knows every thought she ever had, will embrace her with an unfathomable love that has pursued her, every step of her life. But there, on streets of gold, with no earthly distractions or disappointments, she will for the first time KNOW how wide and long, how high and deep His love has been for her. (Ephesians 3:18) In that moment she will have divine clarity and seeing her life played out before her with all of it's broken pieces and disappointment, she will shed a tear for having looked at it so long while on earth and getting so lost in it, when for the first time ever she will clearly see that Love was there with her every step of the way. Those will be the last tears she will ever cry. She would plead with those of us left behind to fix our eyes on things above. To feast on His love even while we make our way through the famine we call our lives. She would beg us to stop and as if searching for our next breath, to search for His fingerprints in our lives. She would beseech us to strain to peak beyond the veil that separates us from where she is and to cling to His hand as we make our way through the days that make up our lives.

We have been called to live in the tension of here and there. He has told us to live in the world but not to be of the world. We live in the realm where we see with our eyes and believe "this" is reality. Yet truth be told, there is something inside each of us that is always longing for something we can't find...always searching for something to satisfy that craving within us. Many times we spend a lifetime trying to fill that craving with a plethora of things that always fall short. Only He satisfies the longing of our hearts! Only He can satisfy the craving.

Truth in the New Testament is derived from the Greek word "aletheia". Aletheia denotes "the reality clearly lying before our eyes as opposed to a mere appearance without reality." Much of what we are convinced is our reality here on earth is actually just a "mere appearance without reality". His reality always trumps ours. We have been given breath on this earth to come into agreement with His reality instead of our own. We have been called to live in the tension of them both...and war to align ourselves with His truth and not the one that is a mere appearance. We are in a tug of war between what our soul "thinks" is reality and what our spirit "knows" is reality.

As long as we live on this side of the veil of Heaven we will have to war against the pain and disappointment that finds itself rooted in the depths of "mere appearances without reality." We will have to take every thought captive and cast down vain imaginations that are contrary to the finished work of the cross. We will have to purpose to set our minds on things above, for things which can be seen are temporal and those things which can't be seen are eternal. We must continue to ask Love to help us see our reality through His eyes and not our eyes of flesh. The tension between these two realms is very real. We were created for the more and that is why the longing and craving of our souls continues. Our soul knows that "this" reality is not where we were created to dwell...but we were created to live from heaven to earth...not from earth to heaven.

My loved one, now knows this truth in full measure. Where she is, there is no more longing, no more craving of her soul. She has found the one that her soul has always longed for. She is for the first time, completely satisfied. She is more alive than she has ever been. She is once again dancing...but this time on streets of gold. She is finally home!

"...When I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go..." Song of Solomon 3:4

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Cor. 13:12

Monday, March 7, 2016


Today is a day for planting. Spring is bursting all around...even if winter refuses to leave her heart. Broken pieces lie everywhere and no broom is found big enough to sweep them away. Without her consent time marches on and the earth longs for it's seed while her heart longs for peace. So she does what every daughter of the King will do...she looks for her seed and pushes aside the tears that refuse to cease.

For a moment she is lost in the whirlwind of memories full of pain and grief. She finds herself wondering if things will ever change? Wondering if she will ever be whole again? Then the song of a bird just outside her window catches her attention. It sings with joy as it rallies in the newness of color bursting everywhere. She is reminded once again that Love has not left her nor abandoned her. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will never leave her nor forsake her. She is loved with an everlasting love.

Once again she finds herself standing in the tension of two realms, the one she's with her eyes and the one she sees only through His. They are always at odds. Always. In that moment she evaluates the two realms and is reminded that this realm is only a vapor and it is purposed to test her heart. Will she prove her love for her Lover and deny what her eyes and mind keep whispering to her or will she fall prey to the temporal and the pain? For a moment it appears that the wounded cry of her heart might win, as she rehearses the pain of all that is broken. The same broken pieces that have lied around for years staring at her as if screaming for her resentment.

She wills to look away from the scattered pieces and as tears stream down her cheeks, she reaches for her bag of seed. She steps outside into the sunshine where the warmth of His presence beckons her to come and cast her seed into the earth and wait patiently for her harvest. So once again she opens wide her bag of seed and gently dropping it into the womb of the soil, she waters it in with her tears and trust that as she goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, she will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with her.

No harvest is sweeter than the one sown through faith, though it weeps.

Psalm 126:6 Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carryings sheaves with them.

Friday, January 22, 2016


"Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, though Your footprints were not seen." (Psalm 77:19)

How many times through raging waters have You delivered me? Yet, were I to prove to the world that it was You, who parted the mighty waters, I would be amiss. You leave no hard evidence such as Your footprints. You ride upon the clouds and the wind is Your chariot. Like a strong breeze You move wherever You will. It is only the eye of faith that sees You coming. The human eye sees nothing except the torrent that is about to sweep overhead and cover me with high waters. How many times have You swooped down at the very last second and rescued me? "Though I went through fire and water You brought me to a place of abundance." (Psalm 66:12) Yet were I to prove to others, there would be no footprints, no trace of evidence that You were once again my Hero. For human eyes cannot see the prints you have left all over my heart.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015


I had the sweetest dream this morning right before I awoke. I dreamt that my precious Aunt Estelle was visiting me. She was lying down resting. Laying beside her, mostly covered by a soft blanket that was snuggled close to her, was a floral purse. The purse looked like my own. As she laid there so sweet and content, drifting in and out of sleep, I was busy going to and fro. Their were many of my loved ones there and I was busy entertaining, cooking and gathering things up to put in their proper place.

At some point in my busyness, I spotted that half hidden purse, and thinking it was mine, I gently moved towards her to remove it and put it away where it belonged. As my hand so softly tried to retract the bag, her eyes opened immediately and to my surprise, she too grasped it. Her eyes twinkled as she looked into mine. Our faces were close in proximity as I had come in close to sneak the bag out of her way. Without words we had the most beautiful exchange. I instinctively knew this way her purse and not mine. I was instantly embarrassed about having tried to take it from her as she protected it while sleeping so peacefully. But there was more to the purse than just its floral tapestry and leather that was so familiar. 

Somehow in that moment I knew the purse was full of all the memories that we both shared of her two sisters, Annie and Opal. This was why the purse looked so familiar to me. It was alive with memories of my precious grandmother and my sweet Aunt Opie. I could see the amazement in her eyes, and knew she too was seeing them. We embraced one another, her with her hand still clutched to her bag and mine embracing her and neither of us wanted to move. We were mesmerized as memory after memory poured forth filled with their laughter and giggling. Joy was everywhere. It was the most quaint of if fairy dust was floating all around us. In this moment, we were more alive than we had been only minutes before. As time stood still, they were more alive to us than they had been in years. There was such a longing to breathe this moment in deeply. Neither of us wanted this encounter to ever end so we dared not move.

I could feel myself trying to awaken from the dream, and as only one can do while dreaming...I wrestled to not awaken, knowing that I would lose this euphoric, yet very real embrace to those I can no longer touch. In the twinkling of an eye I knew I could not hold on to the dream and as I awakened lying in my bed, before ever opening my eyes, I could feel the bright light of morning bursting in, streaming through the sheers covering my window. My room was drenched with morning sun and in my heart, I knew it was going to be a really beautiful day!