There are some Kingdom truths that I have been slow in coming to. Not because I choose to be slow, there are just so many of my truths I have to recognize aren't the real truth and cast those to the wayside, so that "Kingdom's truth" can settle down on the inside of me. Progress in the Kingdom is not so much the learning, but the constant effort to "unlearn" the lies we have operated out of for so long. I grieve because of my slowness to move towards the light.
Recently, Love was teaching me a new truth. As the weight of it began to unfold on me I remember feeling such shame that I had not seen it before. How slow I was in coming. But, as only Love can do, He reminded me that there is no shame or condemnation allowed in His presence. He does not see time as we do.
He is calling me to banish my ideas of how I am to orchestrate my life and take hold of Kingdom's ideas. He desires to use me in new ways, yet they are not new to Him, for He is eternal. As I chose to step out of condemnation and into His light I told Him that I don't have much left to offer. The grief of not having seen His desire and provision for me to operate in this new way, in the past 53 years, broke my heart. I've wasted so much time. How could I have been so dull? I promised Him that in this area I would give Him whatever days I have left on this earth. I would consent to be used however He sees fit and I was sorry for being so slow coming to this truth.
Maybe you have found yourself at this junction before. The feeling of wishing you had offered Him more and much sooner. The regret of having lost so much time having lived outside of Kingdom's truth. Shame of being so slow to draw near. He reminds us that even though we have been slow in coming and we have possibly even lived more days than we have left to live, in His Kingdom, time is not how value is measured.
Love reminds us in the twentieth chapter of Matthew how a landowner needed workers for his vineyard. Those he hired early in the morning he promised to pay them a denarius for a full days wages. As the day progressed he went out four other times, hiring more workers. The last time being about five in the afternoon. He asked them "Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?" They replied, "Because no one has hired us." He said to them, "You also go and work in my vineyard."
When it was time to pay the workers, they were all given a denarius, the same amount that was promised to those who had labored all day. Those who had worked since early morning were angered. The landowner asked them, "Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous? So the last will be first, and the first will be last."
Kingdom's ways are not our way. In the Kingdom, everyone is given grace! Even those of us who have squandered too much time on things not eternal.
Rather than allowing shame to paralyze us, why don't we offer Him, the little we have left? Love has a way of making our little into something that will amaze us. Why don't we bring Him our five loaves and two fish and allow Love to multiply it and feed the masses. What we possess is exactly what He needs. It's actually the only thing He ask of us. It's never to late to give away the little we have and watch Love do a miracle!
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