FEAR THAT GRIPS FOR LIFE

For this thorn Lord, I give You praise! Each time it cuts me I am left better than before. More of the old putrid wound is removed and new life takes its place. I am becoming new, for the continual tsunami of pain has driven me under the shadow of Your wing. For there, under Your feathers is the only place I find refuge. My soul clings to you. Your right hand upholds me. Always...it upholds me! If it weren't for the voice of the accuser and condemnation telling me who I'm not, I would never have been desperate enough to run to You to have found who I am. What the enemy has devised for my destruction, You have used to build me up. It has caused me to seek higher ground. I have built my house on solid rock instead of sand.

In the relentless effort to cast off the weight and heaviness of the choking accusations, I have found a crown of righteousness lying under its shadows. I use to grovel at the idol sitting on the throne of my heart, begging for approval and value from a statue of stone. But now, I lay before Your throne prostrate, wishing I had more adoration to lay at Your feet. I come not begging or in a posture to receive, but one aware that I owe you my everything. Upside down is Your Kingdom, for when I come with only giving as my intent, I leave with more than my heart can hold. In my praise, I receive, for it is impossible to ever out give You.

If I were the summation of what all I own, or the roles I play, and it were to burn up in a moments time, You have made it known to me that my beauty would not be found in the ashes heaped. For all the times I have begged for this cup to pass from me, only Love's best has allowed it to remain. For you have patiently proven through my tears and strain that the thing I most feared in life has no power over me when I am in You.

I have looked into the hard cold eyes of that taunting fear, wave after wave after wave, and having done all to stand, I stand. I have looked long and hard at the worst case scenario of what my life would be if I were consumed by the fear that I fear most, and to my surprise I see myself hand in hand with Love walking out to freedom on the other side, adored, whole and strong.

So as I wince with pain and bleeding flesh from yet another jab from this thorn in my side, I thank You for loving me enough to allow my world to come apart at the seams. For it is there where I find You holding it safely in Your arms. You are Faithful and True and with singing lips my mouth will praise You. For what satan has planned for my harm, You have worked for my good. For rather than my destruction, You have shown me my value to You. It was beyond my recognition, above and beyond anything I would have ever dared to believe or hope for.

In the midst of dying in the very real trenches of hell on earth...I have found paradise! The thorn designed to destroy me through relentless pain has become the tool of heaven to bring me glorious gain. I will praise You in this storm, for the force of the violent winds, the tempest that bears down hard against flesh, has ripped me open wide, and to my unbelievable surprise, I find I am cherished, I am safe, and nothing is left wanting!