The Fragrance of Desire
The words slipped off his tongue and went straight to the heart. My heart. Words like I had never heard...so full of grace and mercy they took my breath away. I always sat closer to him than most. Up front and center I seek bread. How many hours had I heard how hard grace was? How many times had I interpreted His words to mean I needed to work harder? But today was different. It was as if the portal of heaven had opened and a piece of peace had floated down deep in my heart when the pastor said "if you have been wrestling with a certain sin and fail to always win...He knows your heart. He does not judge your failure. He sees the desire of your heart to overcome."
Doesn't just hearing those words bring an invitation of warmth and peace to your soul? Weary with wrestling. Hopeless for hope. Lacking...needy. The truth is I would normally squirm with the idea of Him looking into my heart to make a judgement. It smells putrid at times with it's missed intentions and failed attempts to conquer that which seems to conquer me. It's dark in there. It's left wanting.
But, if we're talking about it's desire...that's another story. That's when the music takes a turn towards the light and we could dance our way into glory. It's a spring day and the world is flooded with roses, peonies and daffodils. Desire is fragrance...it is holy.
But as usual, words full of grace always seem "too easy...too good to be true". I think it's because we find ourselves buried under the old testament instead of adorned with the beauty of the new. At first glance grace seems light, but with deeper examination one sees it is much more costly than law. He makes it clear in the gospels that He is now concerned with the intentions of our heart. In the old, a man was guilty of murder only if his victim fell to his death. In the new, he is guilty of murder if he has anger towards him in his heart.
So why would it surprise me to find that He would look to the intentions of my heart when He looks at the dragon I am trying to slay? Why is it so much easier to imagine that He would judge us more harshly for our lack of overcoming, than to judge us generously for our desire to want to overcome? Without grace we live upside down. We forget that He overcame for us. The desire that pulsates from our heart to "get it right-for righteous sake" is from Him, and to Him it becomes a sweet, sweet fragrance. I hear the birds singing and the breeze dancing all the way to glory! He alone satisfies the desires of my heart!
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