Across the Waters

Looking out my window the earth is dark, and I see only occasional car lights headed to punch in on a time clock. The depth of silence seems deafening. The only heartbeat I hear is my own and its rhythm seems out of sync. I know the sun will rise and prove that the droplets of sadness falling from the sky is actually rain and not my tears only. I should have expected rain this morning. I should have pulled the flower pots out away from the porch so they could sit under the nourishing mist. Maybe I should take my soul out there and lie below the heavy laden branches of the cypress trees and allow the mist of heaven to nourish my soul this morning…my mourning soul. It’s been a year since I last held your hand or kissed the sweetness of your face. I’m so grateful I was intentional the last years to spend time lingering in the fragrance of your hugs.  What I would give for one more embrace. There are many of us left on this big ball of dirt that would give almost anything for one more of your hugs and sweet smiles.

Looking out the window I begin to see the outline of the pond. Even though there is no sun in the sky, it apparently has risen. But the heaviness of the clouds has it hidden from sight. I’m reminded they have you hidden as well. The cypress branches seem to be breathing in the breaking of dawn, in rhythm they dance to a wind that I cannot see, yet cannot deny is there. My heart is stirred as they make their way gently bowing and rising as if grateful for one more morning to praise their Maker. 

What is it like to celebrate one year of being in heaven? Are the streets of gold in a frenzy with saints getting all of the final details of festivities ready to celebrate your heavenly birthday?  Is there a sense of joy and expectancy and jubilant celebration not known to those of us who can’t peer inside? Do you finally feel known and loved and celebrated like never before? How I wish I could be there. I could live a thousand lifetimes off of the mere joy it would bring me to see your joy, from being truly celebrated and loved for who you are and always have been. To see the fullness of your joy, would give me mine.

Then I realize just the thought of your present joy, does brings me mine! I lost it there for a few moments, waking up to the silence of missing you. One more morning of waking up to only one heartbeat after having shared yours for fifty five years. As I glance out my window I see now the light has come and all of the details of the pond are visible. As I watch the tiny waves dance and shimmer I feel like I can hear a sound coming from the other side. It sounds like singing and laughter. There is the faintest sound of music, a melody not of this world. My soul leans in. For a moment I hear your voice full of delight and gratefulness for the heavenly gift of acceptance and celebration. In my mind’s eye I see your sweet face, still a little timid, but rallying in the undeniable love you feel. You are right where you were created to be…in His presence…in His love…in His joy! How can I too, not celebrate! Happy Heavenly Birthday sweet Mama, I’m sending you kisses from across the waters. Tell Jesus how grateful I am for loving you!